In honour of me watching the entire first season of The IT Crowd in one sitting (again), and in honour of my favourite episode being Fifty-Fifty (in which they place a fake personal ad) I thought we should take a closer look at some personal ads in a local newspaper I found lying around my house.
These are dead-set real ads. I swear the people who paid real money for these actually exist somewhere.
Men seeking women
The ad says:
I am open, friendly and enjoy a good laugh. I love animals and all things warm and fuzzy. Ready to chat.
He really means:
Fuck me.
The ad says:
Asian lady sought by 50 yo prof guy for permanent relationship. Enjoy gardening, country drives and different cultures. Caring and generous.
He really means:
I am too cheap to buy a mail order bride.
The ad says:
Dear reader, do I find thee well? If not, wellness can be obtained here. (not suitable for really sick people)
He really means:
I made it funny so it would look like I did it as a joke. I am alone. Love me.
Women seeking men
The ad says:
Classy succes very attar tall calm lovg intel educated young asain look 4 well pres attr calm fit intel prof or manag guy with heart 4 long relat
She really means:
I didn’t know this was pay by the letter.
The ad says:
Are you looking for someone to share the mystery with? Do you think that mature love has the potential to expand infinitely. You do! Then lets chat…
She really means:
I’m old, but good in bed.
The ad says:
Country girl. 67. Honest. Loving. Happy. Loves country, and horses, outdoors, camping, fishing etc. Hate liars. Call me.
She really means:
I just found my husband cheating on me.
Perhaps I have too much free time on my hands.... perhaps not. We'll never know.
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