My Version of "The Piano"

Holly Hunter: I am a woman who does not speak. Respect and admire me for my individuality and integrity in a patriarchal world.
Harvey Keitel: Fuck me.
Sam Neil: No! Fuck me first!
Holly Hunter: ... I am a woman who does not spea-
Anna Paquin: Fuck somebody already! This movie needs a sex scene to liven things up. Meanwhile I'll just stand here looking mildly possessed until someone gives me an award.

The End.

Btw - I'm not against The Piano, I can fully appreciate the excellent cinematography and acting. I just don't like it.