Tegan's Favourite Amazing Animal Facts!

• A male angler fish attaches itself to a female and never lets go. Their vascular systems unite and the male becomes entirely dependant on the female's blood for nutrition.

Okay, all I can think of is getting drunk with my friends and one friend (who shall remain nameless, but anyone who knows her will figure it out) complaining that all she wanted was a guy who wasn't clingy at all. That's the ultimate clingy boyfriend right there.

"What are you doing?"

"Just swimming about."

"Cool. Where?"

"You know where, you're attached to me."

"Cool. Cool. Wanna go out tonight?"

"I swear to god if you don't shut up I'll starve you."

• Apparently, moths aren't really attracted to bright lights, they're attracted to the extremely black light just behind the bright light.

Well, there goes half of Jimeoin's material.

• Penguins can jump 6 feet in the air.

This fact shouldn't be a fact. Penguins are BIRDS. They should be able to FLY. We state they can jump like it's something impressive. We shouldn't be rewarding them for this. It's like rewarding a racing greyhound for walking. YOU SHOULD BE RUNING VERY FAST, YOU LAZY BASTARD.

Right, that's it. From this point on, I refuse to talk about penguins until they start flying. Take that, you poncy black-tie wankers.

• The black bulldog ant from Australia is the most dangerous ant in the world. It stings and bites at the same time and has killed humans.

I don't know whether to be proud that we have the most dangerous ant in the world, or scared because there's a nest of them in my backyard. (No seriously, there is. Serious. They're really gross and they smell when you kill them.)

• The Arctic Tern flies from North to South pole and then back again to spend summer in each place.

Right, 2 problems with this animal. One, its got a summer house, so it's a poncy rich wanker who sits around with his mates talking about where they "summered" in '89. Two, it flies from North to South pole so that it's always summer. Always summer. In the North and South poles. Summer. The North and South poles. SUMMER. Is it just me who has a problem with that?

Okay, I'm done. Hopefully, if I find some really good (or really crap) animal facts in the future, I'll stick them up here with my incredibly witty observational commentary for your enjoyment.