Sunday, August 30, 2009

More anti-twilight nerds.

The irony of this is she looks exactly what Bella would look like if she stayed human.
Bella: the thirtysomething years.
Come on Stephanie Meyer, write about that and see what your pre-pubescent fans have to say.

Favourite Nerd Ever.

There is no god.

I don't know how to tell you all this, but...
David Tennant is in the next St. Trinians film.
I know, I know, I'm devastated too. Can't Russell T. Davies just keep him on a leash or something? Only let David do things that are pre-approved by him? But really, David? St. Trinians? What made him agree to this? Was it Colin Firth and Russell Brand signing back on? Was it that in between the last film and this one, the Director did the latest Dorian Gray adaptation, so maybe he does have talent after all?
Honestly though, I'm going to have to find David and have words with him about this.
Maybe I can convince him to do another Casanova miniseries, because that was fantastic. I would not have a problem with David just playing Casanova for the rest of his career, interspersed with Doctor Who cameos, obviously.

Awesome movie overload.

So there's Up, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Where the Wild Things Are, Dorian Gray, Sherlock Holmes, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, The September Issue, and now there's this:

Seriously. The end of this year is just too much. I'm going to go broke from going to the movies, like, 5 times a week. On the other hand, so excited for ALL of these. And all the other good films coming out. I think Jason Bateman has about 4. That man just doesn't stop.
Oh, and Whip It, a film about roller derbys starring Ellen Page directed by Drew Barrymore is pretty much going to be the best. So yeah. Just thought you should know where I'll be the next 4 months. I like to sit halfway between the middle and the back, in the middle of the theatre, and my phone will be on silent.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

This is getting out of hand.

"Death Cab for Cutie has scored the leading single spot for the forthcoming Twilight Saga: New Moon soundtrack, with an all-new track Meet Me On the Equinox."
No. This isn't happening. I... I... I just really hope it's just for the money.
And then, further down in the article, it gets worse:
"New Moon director Chris Weitz told that Bon Iver, Band of Skulls and Thom Yorke would all have a place on the soundtrack... he was continuing to try and rope in Kings of Leon for an all-new track."
Well, now I'm just confused. Bon Iver, Band of Skulls and freaking Thome Yorke agree to this, and yet Kings of Leon, biggest independent-turned-commercial success of the last 5 years, are holding out?
Clearly R.Patz wants to bump up his musical cred and has put some sort of mind control drug in the chai lattes of everyone who's agreed, but hasn't been able to get to Kings of Leon water supply yet.
Everything like this ALWAYS turns out to be R.Patz's fault.
Just a warning Robert, when 12yr old girls maul Kristen Stewart to death in an attempt to get to you, it will be YOUR FAULT.
... not that anyone will really mind.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

With both our powers combined, maybe we'll be famous again...

Look everyone! Tia Carrere and Barbara Eden are both still alive! And according to, both are still acting!

... Yeah, no one cares.
Even that trumpet player behind them has no idea who they are.

Why the 60s were awesome

That's Elizabeth Montgomery on a polar bear. A POLAR BEAR PEOPLE. It doesn't get better than that.

Michelle Monaghan at Los Angeles Up premiere

Want. Dress. Now.

Best Family Photo Ever

The denim, the elbows on shoulders, the crazy grin on Mac's face. Everything I see of the Culkins just makes me love them more.


This man cannot act:
If you see advertising for a film starring this man, AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
(Even if it has David Bowie.)


Seriously though, Bandslam is really terrible. In a fantastic way.

Lmao, stop pretending that you actually learned how to play the guitar. Really Ness.
And she owns a house? Goddamn bitch is younger than me and she probably has a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. Well, now I'm annoyed. I could've acted better in Bandslam than she did, and I really can't act.
Seriously Vanessa, unless it's High School Musical 4: The College Years, I am not interested in anything you act in anymore.
P.s. someone please make High School Musical 4: The College Years, that would be awesome.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Nothing But Amazing

This is the trailer for the 1991 movie Nothing But Trouble. If you haven't seen it, you really really should. It's the most stunningly awesome bad movie I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot). John Candy plays 2 characters, Dan Aykroyd plays 3, plus directing. Honestly. It's just insane.

If the trailer doesn't hook you in (which it won't), I should mention it has 2Pac. Not even kidding. He raps and everything. Did I mention this movie is MENTAL?
It's like a horribly mediocre mainstream Hollywood rendition of Rocky Horror Picture Show but without any of the stuff that makes Rocky Horror watchable. Seriously you need to see it. It actually made my brain hurt it was that bad.

Post Grad

Medicore romcom starring a girl we'll never be able to see as anyone but her tv character? Yes please!
I call it Gilmore Girls 2: What happened if Rory didn't have such witty scriptwriters behind her.
Come on guys, if we all try really hard, we can pretend she's Rory while we watch it and then pretend this movie never happened. I love summer blockbusters!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Edward gets pwned

Finally. Someone's made a mash-up video that I actually like. No, scrap that. Love.

It really shows up just how crappy the Twilight script (and Stephanie Meyer's writing) is when you put it next to one of the best written tv shows. Oh Edward, you just got pwned.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Crazy Bridesmaids

I've discovered a new youtube hobby. Desperate bridesmaids trying to catch the bouquet at weddings. So much entertainment.

This is my favourite. I know if I was a guy at that wedding I would totally hook up with the girl who caught it. Determined, good upper-body strength and not afraid of carpet burn. She's a keeper.

Come back, 90s Britney.

I miss the days when the worst thing about Brit was her too-edgy 90s fashion.
Oh, and how high up is her belly button? Seriously. That's not normal, Brit.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

More Billie

Proof of how much England loves Billie Piper.

Only Billie can get an entire studio audience to break the rules for her. Gosh. If only I had that much power.

Oh, and for any unawares, this is Chris Evans, Billie's ex-husband:

Yeah, he must have an amazing personality.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

John Hughes

You guys. Oh my god. John Hughes is dead.
One of the greatest screenwriters in history and arguably the most influential Hollywood writer-producer-director of the late 80s is dead.
Seriously, he's my favourite director. Without John Hughes we wouldn't have teen films like we do now. Without John Hughes we would have never known the awesomeness of John Candy, and of course, without John Hughes Macaulay Culkin would never have been. The film industry would be a different place if he hadn't been around. He proved to mainstream Hollywood that you can make a commercially successful film that is still brilliantly acted and has an insanely clever script. He showed them that mainstream Hollywood audiences aren't idiots. Seriously. God damn. He was amazing.
Without him, redheads wouldn't have Molly Ringwald as proof that they can succeed.
Can I just point out that Home Alone is still today the most successful live-action comedy of all time. OF ALL TIME people. The man was clever, smart and an insanely good writer.

Yes, his best work was behind him, but I don't care damnit. I love his movies so much. Okay, I'm done.

"Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. Bartender says I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked blonde says..."
Now we'll never know the end of the joke lmao.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Speaking of fangirls...

I think I may have just found the best (or worst) avatar ever.
You know what, with the hand-drawn crappiness and the clear hours (maybe even days) of effort that went into this, I'm going to go with best ever. I just can't not. It's adorable.

Twilight fans not only annoying, but literal too.

Twilight fans clearly haven't studied metaphors in school yet.
I was scrolling this twilight forum because the fangirls (apparently there are some pre-pubescent boys as well!) were getting up in arms about Stephen King saying Stephanie Meyer can't write, which is fantastic and hilarious at the same time, and as I scrolled I saw this for just a second and thought "Huh, why does a twilight fangirl have a Chronicles of Narnia sig?" and then looked closer and couldn't quite believe it for a second.

I'm totally, like, printing this off and having it framed, and, like, totally going to stalk R.Patz until he signs it for me, like.

And then I'll sell it on eBay, back to the fangirl whose sig it is. Oh, the joy of a flawless plan.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

16 and Hilarious

A direct quote from 16 and Pregnant -
Friend 1: What did you do when you found out you were pregnant?
Pregnant Chick's boyfriend: She cried, man! I cried too. I was like, freaking out. But then I was like 'you gotta a thing growing inside you'
Pregnant Chick: Yeah, there's a thing growing inside me.
Pregnant Chick's voiceover: And that thing turned out to be a baby.

Oh, and she got pregnant because her boyfriend left his condoms in his pocket and they went in the washing machine. Picturing that scene from the DanRad episode of Extras. "Can I have my johnny back?"

Thankyou 16 and Pregnant, for a second there I almost forgot why I have a soft spot for white trash teens.