Bogie, you sly dog.

This could be one of my favourite pictures of all time.

Favourite Celebrity Couple?

Maybe.

But then, let's not discount these ones:

Because who doesn't love two pretty people, who, despite certain career failings (An album of Tom Waits covers? Van Wilder? ... Oh no wait, Van Wilder was awesome) seem like totally awesome funny people who you (me) want to hang out with. Ryan and ScarJo are adorably suited.

Because she's finally found someone on her level of crazy. Manson was just too gross for her. And Planet Terror was fantastic. More please.

Because I want them to stay together forever and have lots of stupidly awkward children and... hey Mila, I think I have that underwear.

Another reason why Mary-Louise is cool.

Mary-Louise Parker was Stephanie Meyer's first choice for Esme Cullen.

She turned the part down.

Damn straight she did.

Mad props to the woman.

Poor Mia

I mean, you're never going to look your best standing next to Liv Tyler, but... a denim dress? With that jacket? Really? I know it was a few years ago, but I don't remember denim dresses being red-carpet-okay since Brit and JT pulled off the best couples matching outfit in the history of the world. You remember the one I'm talking about.

If your dress is a salute to that outfit, then kudos Mia, but somehow, I don't think it is.

Famous Families

I want to part of these families:

I want to avoid these:

Just thought you should know.

Greatest Online Store Ever.

Go here

And revel in the amazing products.

Can't decide if I want bunny or fox jammies for Christmas, but I know what everyone I know is getting!

I hope my friends and family like kitten mittens and leopard tails (they totally will).

Bunnywarez, kudos on fantastically childish products. This is why we have online shopping, people.

Best New Show.

This is my new favourite thing. It's pure genius, from the Raymond Chandler references to watching Ted Danson smoke pot in a toilet cubicle, this show is why TV was invented.

Val Kilmer could probably beat your dad in a fight.

This site is awesome.

this one right here

And I'm sure it works a whole lot better when you're not trying to simultaneously download 80's cult classic Real Genius.

Damn you and your classic good looks, Val!

I hope they got good money for this

This is Death Cab's single for New Moon.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1621380/20090913/death_cab_for_cutie.jhtml

Seriously though, I'm quite pleased that it's not that great. Like, it's good, but it's not their best stuff by any means.

Now I feel sure that they're only doing it for the money. It makes this whole thing a lot more bearable.

Doesn't mean I'm not going to punch Stephanie Meyer and Kristen Stewart in the noses if I ever see them though.

Watch out bitches.

English Breakfast

A full English breakfast served in a martini glass made out of bacon.

I knew there was a reason I love the English.

Courtesy thisiswhyyourefat.com

Fame

NO ONE TOLD ME MEGAN MULLALLY IS IN FAME.

Well, add that to the list of movies I'm super excited about.

Pretty much only because of her.

And because it proves that maybe, just maybe, people actually get careers out of So You Think You Can Dance. Which is nice.

Where the Wild Things Are

Tell me you're not excited. Seriously. Look at that still. Can I just have that still blown up and hanging on my wall? Gosh. I don't think I can wait much longer. Why did they have to make it a Christmas release? December is too far away :(

Ali "The one with REALLY no talent" Lohan

All I'm saying is tell me she doesn't look like a 30 yr old woman about to pick up her kids from school and drop them at home with their mexican maid (whom she calls Juanita, regardless of her actual name) before swanning off to a champagne afternoon tea with the girls and getting a manicure from another mexican woman (whom she also calls Juanita).

That's all I'm saying.

Costume Institute Gala

Seriously Anne Hathaway, you look like Wonder Woman gift-wrapped herself as a saucy present for her boyfriend. Hire a goddamn stylist.

And Jessica, sigh. Honestly, no I'm too tired. Just, just go back to 7th Heaven or something. I don't care about you and your stupidly cut dress and icky make-up.

Now THIS is a dress. I want to get married in this dress. This is spectacular. That's what you wear to the costume institute gala. Take note, Anne and Jess.

IMDB Polls

Todays imbd poll is who do you think should be cast as Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit?

And guess who's coming last? Robert Pattinson.

Ha.

It could just be that the main demographic of people who actually go to the effort of making an imdb account is not 9-14 yr old girls, but I'm taking this as a victory anyway.

Oh, by the way, James McAvoy is in the lead, closely followed by Simon Pegg and Martin Freeman. I voted for Martin, but I was tossing up between him and Simon.

And think about it people, James McAvoy would be terrible. For one, there's no beautiful-yet-aloof girl for him to moon over, and he has little to no comedic ability. Well, at least not nearly on the same level as Simon and Martin.

Plus, body-shape-wise, James is way to skinny and good looking.

I eventually chose Martin, because if it all ends up being horrible, he'll bounce back, like he has with all the other terrible things he's been in, whereas I never want to see Simon Pegg in something bad. Never. It can't happen. I'd cry like a little girl.

Wow, I can't believe I actually spent that long writing about it. I swear it just meant to be a "You suck R-Patz, even imdb has turned against you", but it morphed into a total nerd-fest. Sorry.

More anti-twilight nerds.

The irony of this is she looks exactly what Bella would look like if she stayed human.

Bella: the thirtysomething years.

Come on Stephanie Meyer, write about that and see what your pre-pubescent fans have to say.

Favourite Nerd Ever.

There is no god.

I don't know how to tell you all this, but...

David Tennant is in the next St. Trinians film.

I know, I know, I'm devastated too. Can't Russell T. Davies just keep him on a leash or something? Only let David do things that are pre-approved by him? But really, David? St. Trinians? What made him agree to this? Was it Colin Firth and Russell Brand signing back on? Was it that in between the last film and this one, the Director did the latest Dorian Gray adaptation, so maybe he does have talent after all?

Honestly though, I'm going to have to find David and have words with him about this.

Maybe I can convince him to do another Casanova miniseries, because that was fantastic. I would not have a problem with David just playing Casanova for the rest of his career, interspersed with Doctor Who cameos, obviously.

Awesome movie overload.

So there's Up, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Where the Wild Things Are, Dorian Gray, Sherlock Holmes, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, The September Issue, and now there's this:

Seriously. The end of this year is just too much. I'm going to go broke from going to the movies, like, 5 times a week. On the other hand, so excited for ALL of these. And all the other good films coming out. I think Jason Bateman has about 4. That man just doesn't stop.

Oh, and Whip It, a film about roller derbys starring Ellen Page directed by Drew Barrymore is pretty much going to be the best. So yeah. Just thought you should know where I'll be the next 4 months. I like to sit halfway between the middle and the back, in the middle of the theatre, and my phone will be on silent.

This is getting out of hand.

from hitflix.com:

"Death Cab for Cutie has scored the leading single spot for the forthcoming Twilight Saga: New Moon soundtrack, with an all-new track Meet Me On the Equinox."
No. This isn't happening. I... I... I just really hope it's just for the money.

And then, further down in the article, it gets worse:

"New Moon director Chris Weitz told hitflix.com that Bon Iver, Band of Skulls and Thom Yorke would all have a place on the soundtrack... he was continuing to try and rope in Kings of Leon for an all-new track."

Well, now I'm just confused. Bon Iver, Band of Skulls and freaking Thome Yorke agree to this, and yet Kings of Leon, biggest independent-turned-commercial success of the last 5 years, are holding out?

Clearly R.Patz wants to bump up his musical cred and has put some sort of mind control drug in the chai lattes of everyone who's agreed, but hasn't been able to get to Kings of Leon water supply yet.

Everything like this ALWAYS turns out to be R.Patz's fault.

Just a warning Robert, when 12yr old girls maul Kristen Stewart to death in an attempt to get to you, it will be YOUR FAULT.

... not that anyone will really mind.

With both our powers combined, maybe we'll be famous again...

Look everyone! Tia Carrere and Barbara Eden are both still alive! And according to imdb.com, both are still acting!

... Yeah, no one cares.

Even that trumpet player behind them has no idea who they are.

Why the 60s were awesome

That's Elizabeth Montgomery on a polar bear. A POLAR BEAR PEOPLE. It doesn't get better than that.

Michelle Monaghan at Los Angeles Up premiere

Want. Dress. Now.

Best Family Photo Ever

The denim, the elbows on shoulders, the crazy grin on Mac's face. Everything I see of the Culkins just makes me love them more.

WARNING

This man cannot act:

If you see advertising for a film starring this man, AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

(Even if it has David Bowie.)

Bandslam

Seriously though, Bandslam is really terrible. In a fantastic way.

Lmao, stop pretending that you actually learned how to play the guitar. Really Ness.

And she owns a house? Goddamn bitch is younger than me and she probably has a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. Well, now I'm annoyed. I could've acted better in Bandslam than she did, and I really can't act.

Seriously Vanessa, unless it's High School Musical 4: The College Years, I am not interested in anything you act in anymore.

P.s. someone please make High School Musical 4: The College Years, that would be awesome.

Nothing But Amazing

This is the trailer for the 1991 movie Nothing But Trouble. If you haven't seen it, you really really should. It's the most stunningly awesome bad movie I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot). John Candy plays 2 characters, Dan Aykroyd plays 3, plus directing. Honestly. It's just insane.

If the trailer doesn't hook you in (which it won't), I should mention it has 2Pac. Not even kidding. He raps and everything. Did I mention this movie is MENTAL?

It's like a horribly mediocre mainstream Hollywood rendition of Rocky Horror Picture Show but without any of the stuff that makes Rocky Horror watchable. Seriously you need to see it. It actually made my brain hurt it was that bad.

Post Grad

Medicore romcom starring a girl we'll never be able to see as anyone but her tv character? Yes please!

I call it Gilmore Girls 2: What happened if Rory didn't have such witty scriptwriters behind her.

Come on guys, if we all try really hard, we can pretend she's Rory while we watch it and then pretend this movie never happened. I love summer blockbusters!

Edward gets pwned

Finally. Someone's made a mash-up video that I actually like. No, scrap that. Love.

It really shows up just how crappy the Twilight script (and Stephanie Meyer's writing) is when you put it next to one of the best written tv shows. Oh Edward, you just got pwned.

Crazy Bridesmaids

I've discovered a new youtube hobby. Desperate bridesmaids trying to catch the bouquet at weddings. So much entertainment.

This is my favourite. I know if I was a guy at that wedding I would totally hook up with the girl who caught it. Determined, good upper-body strength and not afraid of carpet burn. She's a keeper.

Come back, 90s Britney.

I miss the days when the worst thing about Brit was her too-edgy 90s fashion.

Oh, and how high up is her belly button? Seriously. That's not normal, Brit.

More Billie

Proof of how much England loves Billie Piper.

Only Billie can get an entire studio audience to break the rules for her. Gosh. If only I had that much power.

Oh, and for any unawares, this is Chris Evans, Billie's ex-husband:

Yeah, he must have an amazing personality.

John Hughes

You guys. Oh my god. John Hughes is dead.

One of the greatest screenwriters in history and arguably the most influential Hollywood writer-producer-director of the late 80s is dead.

Seriously, he's my favourite director. Without John Hughes we wouldn't have teen films like we do now. Without John Hughes we would have never known the awesomeness of John Candy, and of course, without John Hughes Macaulay Culkin would never have been. The film industry would be a different place if he hadn't been around. He proved to mainstream Hollywood that you can make a commercially successful film that is still brilliantly acted and has an insanely clever script. He showed them that mainstream Hollywood audiences aren't idiots. Seriously. God damn. He was amazing.

Without him, redheads wouldn't have Molly Ringwald as proof that they can succeed.

Can I just point out that Home Alone is still today the most successful live-action comedy of all time. OF ALL TIME people. The man was clever, smart and an insanely good writer.

Yes, his best work was behind him, but I don't care damnit. I love his movies so much. Okay, I'm done.

"Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. Bartender says I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked blonde says..."

Now we'll never know the end of the joke lmao.

Speaking of fangirls...

I think I may have just found the best (or worst) avatar ever.

You know what, with the hand-drawn crappiness and the clear hours (maybe even days) of effort that went into this, I'm going to go with best ever. I just can't not. It's adorable.

Twilight fans not only annoying, but literal too.

Twilight fans clearly haven't studied metaphors in school yet.

I was scrolling this twilight forum because the fangirls (apparently there are some pre-pubescent boys as well!) were getting up in arms about Stephen King saying Stephanie Meyer can't write, which is fantastic and hilarious at the same time, and as I scrolled I saw this for just a second and thought "Huh, why does a twilight fangirl have a Chronicles of Narnia sig?" and then looked closer and couldn't quite believe it for a second.

I'm totally, like, printing this off and having it framed, and, like, totally going to stalk R.Patz until he signs it for me, like.

And then I'll sell it on eBay, back to the fangirl whose sig it is. Oh, the joy of a flawless plan.

16 and Hilarious

A direct quote from 16 and Pregnant -

Friend 1: What did you do when you found out you were pregnant?

Pregnant Chick's boyfriend: She cried, man! I cried too. I was like, freaking out. But then I was like 'you gotta a thing growing inside you'

Pregnant Chick: Yeah, there's a thing growing inside me.

Pregnant Chick's voiceover: And that thing turned out to be a baby.

Oh, and she got pregnant because her boyfriend left his condoms in his pocket and they went in the washing machine. Picturing that scene from the DanRad episode of Extras. "Can I have my johnny back?"

Thankyou 16 and Pregnant, for a second there I almost forgot why I have a soft spot for white trash teens.

An open letter to the Brand Power Lady

Dear Brand Power Lady,

I'm not entirely sure if "the smell of laundry just got better" is really the best slogan for your latest ads.

Sincerely,

Tegan.

Law & Order: Special Awesome Unit

So this was on last night:

And it was FANTASTIC. Hilary was all white trash and awesome and the whole thing was just great. Dare I say it, it was even better than the episode with Melissa Joan Hart. In fact, it was HEAPS better than the Melissa Joan Hart episode.

It's got a fantastic shock ending too. I highly recommend everyone watch it. Three thumbs up.

An Open Letter to Nickelodeon

Dear Nickelodeon,

Remember when you were at the forefront of childrens television? Remember Danger

Mouse? Remember Angry Beavers? Remember Doug? Remember Hey Arnold!? For gods sake there was even Sabrina, Ship to Shore, Clarissa Explains it All and Animorphs.

ALL of these shows are MILLIONS of times better than iCarly. Know why? Because these shows don't have a laughter track that runs CONSTANTLY in the background. SERIOUSLY. No kids show is that goddamn funny. Especially not one that stars the least talented kid from School of Rock.

Now Nick, I don't want to be angry at you, and there's a simple way to rectify the problem. Either turn iCarly into a show with a properly written script, no laughter track, and a better lead actress, or just play repeats of Pinky and the Brain instead. Now that was a funny show.

Regards,

Tegan.

Billie Piper's wicked acting skills.

Check out Billie Piper's first real acting gig. This was a year before Billie took the world (well, the UK and me) by storm.

This makes me wish I was her so bad.

Casper is a ghost-whore

So this is his ploy. Find some innocent young tween who's never been in love and make them fall for you, letting them think you're in the same boat. Lying man-scum!

Seriously Casper. What about Christina Ricci? I know H-Duff is cute and all, but Christina Ricci is... well, Christina Ricci!

Who wouldn't choose this:

Over this:

Check out her neck. It's just as crappy-sparkles as Edward Cullen. And I'm not even touching her eye make-up. It might give me the herp.

Get some self-esteem Casper. As much as I love the Duffster... Christina Ricci, Casper, Christina Ricci!

Casper the friendly ghost

I just remembered one of my very first celebrity crushes!

Casper the friendly ghost in person form.

Apparently his name is Devon Sawa. Wicked cool name. I totally loved the end of casper when he turned human and danced with her and they floated and then they kissed and then he fades away.

"Can I keep you?" Aw. Cutest tween couple ever. Sigh, if only I was a 13 year old whose mother had just died and my father moved me into a haunted house where I befriended the ghost, fell in love with the ghost and then helped him cross over (in a non Jennifer Love Hewitt way). Dream the dream.

Some party pooper disabled embedding for the video, so just follow the link and watch it here

Apparently it was the 4th of July a little while ago.

I hadn't noticed until Sarah kindly reminded me.

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed that's a phone and not a hunting rifle or a moose head. I guess she's trying to ditch the country hick vibe if those rumours about a career in Washington are true. Somehow the flags everywhere and her appropriately coloured outfit just aren't giving me that respectable politician feeling. And does anyone else think her legs are a little scary-tanned? Cute sneakers though.

Bad Ad

You know what helps in advertising?

EVEN EYELINER.

Gross.

Lady Bitchface

God Lady Gaga, make it more obvious which interviewers you like. I really can't tell.



Okay, I understand loving Ellen. She is awesome. Plus Portia, she's tapping that ass. That deserves props. Completely with you, Gaga.



Okay, this is stretching it. You could be a bitch to these ladies. They haven't even heard your biggest song. They don't care about you, you're just filler for them. And yet you are gracious and polite and smile for them.




And then you're a FUCKING BITCH to Jonathan. You cow. He's a national treasure. You think you're too good for him? Is that it? He is doing ALL HE CAN to engage you in the interview and you give him NOTHING.
This interview is just terrible, and guess what Gaga, it's not Wossy's fault. It's YOURS. You ruin everything! God.

Brooke Shields is gross.

Good god. Way to make it all about YOU Brooke. You're not the one who DIED. You're not the one that people actually care about. The world would not be a different place without Suddenly Susan.



My favourite line: "Sequins really hurt me." Did a sequin break your heart when you were 16?
Lmao. I was getting a little emotional until she said "Prince... Paris... Blanket."

An open letter to Taylor Swift.

Dear Taylor,

You know that feeling you get just before you get a brain-freeze? Where you can feel it coming on and you know you can't stop it, and you squint your eyes and hold your breath in anticipation of the pain about to hit you?
That's how I feel when I hear your songs start up on the radio. Only difference is, I can always turn off the radio. And I do Taylor, believe me, I do.
Just thought you should know.

Good luck with the career and trying to out-fame the Jonas Brothers,
Tegan.

Where have I been?

When did Dakota Fanning grow up? I completely missed her going from this:

To this:
Okay, so maybe not such a huge jump. I remember her being slightly older in Charlotte's Web. Which was just terrible for the record. But I seriously missed her going from kid to saucy almost-adult-teenager, and actually pulling off a nude dress. Weird.

But does anyone else get an Amanda Seyfried vibe from her? Just a little?

Personally I prefer Amanda to Dakota, but that's just because of Mean Girls and Big Love. I pretend Mamma Mia never happened, for both Amanda and Meryl Streep's sake.

I guess I missed Dakota growing up because I avoid her at all costs, mainly because she had a 40 year old's eyes in a tiny creepy child body. But now that she's adult the face isn't so creepy anymore. I guess I'll have to judge whether or not I like the adult-Dakota based solely on how she goes in New Moon, which, if the entire Twilight franchise is anything to go by, means I'll get to keep hating her for a little bit longer. At least until she hits 18 and does a shitty indie flick with a gratuitous sex scene just because her creepy director-boyfriend tells her to. The Brown Bunny 2, anyone?

R-Pattz sees Joan Jett pics.

He just saw this:

And he doesn't understand why she got cast either. Gross.

Who needs communication when you've got facebook?

A tiny glimpse into a family more dysfunctional than yours.

Props to Lamebook.

Best alarm clock ever.

This Christmas all I want is this alarm clock.

When it goes off, it shoots the shapes out and the alarm doesn't stop until you put the shapes back in the right holes.

Gosh. Childish, cute and mildly aggressive. It's perfect.

Check it out on ModCloth.