I've said it before, I'll say it again.
Valentines Day is a waste of perfectly good space. Especially because I'm single.
I know it's not for a little while yet, but I've been catching up on Get This podcasts, and with them I'm up to Valentines Day last year.
So, for everyone out there as bitter and twisted (and single) as I am, here are some movies sure to put you off love.
No seriously, I really really don't want to get married because of this movie. Never. Never ever. It's such a super movie.
Sigh, oh Heath. We miss you. Plus, this movie proves that sometimes kicking your drug habit is more important than true love. Sweet. Just watch out for the baby scene. Super extra sad and horrible warning.
3) Big Fat Liar.
Looking for something a little (a lot) lighter? Watch this, and marvel at how Amanda Bynes steals every scene from Frankie Muniz (well duh. He looks like a gremlin) and the complete and utter lack of any remote sexual tension between them. Definately something to make you forget that romance even exists.
4) YouTube "charley brian uk bb" and watch all the videos that come up.
Seriously. UK Big Brother is A BILLION times better than our Australian one. As in, theirs is actually entertaining. Brian and Charley will make you laugh and cry. No wait, just laugh. Especially when he gets a boner while giving her a massage and feels the need to tell her about it. Oh, and when he wets the bed. Oh, and when he thinks Shakespeare is a film director who did Babe: Pig in the City. Golden. Guaranteed to make you thank the heavens that he isn't your boyfriend and she isn't your girlfriend. (For extra fun, YouTube the 2007 Big Brother special of 8 out of 10 Cats and marvel at Charley's complete lack of... well... everything.)
Letting yourself get absorbed into a serial killer story in which Brad Pitt is actually acting is a sure fire way of forgetting all your romantic problems. Especially the last scene. (Although when I watched it the first time I was completely let down by the ending, because my twisted mind had come up with something far more disgusting and horrific that could have been in the box. But that's just me, most people find the ending fantastic.)
6) Peep Show.
It's a British TV show. I think the first season is still up on YouTube unless some copyright Nazis have taken it down. It's unbelievably hysterical. And there's very very little romance. As in, almost none. Did I mention it's hysterical? One of my favourite lines: "This is fucking wicked. I'm almost definately a musical genius. Maybe a tattoo. On my chest. But of my face. Yeah, double me." Go watch.
7) The Sound of Music.
I never want to fall in love again. Put the singing children away! Plus, in a top 10 list of the most unromantic things in the world, I imagine Nazis rate pretty high.
That's all I can think of right now. Enjoy, you romance-haters.