An open letter to the Brand Power Lady

Dear Brand Power Lady,

I'm not entirely sure if "the smell of laundry just got better" is really the best slogan for your latest ads.

Sincerely,

Tegan.

Law & Order: Special Awesome Unit

So this was on last night:

And it was FANTASTIC. Hilary was all white trash and awesome and the whole thing was just great. Dare I say it, it was even better than the episode with Melissa Joan Hart. In fact, it was HEAPS better than the Melissa Joan Hart episode.

It's got a fantastic shock ending too. I highly recommend everyone watch it. Three thumbs up.

An Open Letter to Nickelodeon

Dear Nickelodeon,

Remember when you were at the forefront of childrens television? Remember Danger

Mouse? Remember Angry Beavers? Remember Doug? Remember Hey Arnold!? For gods sake there was even Sabrina, Ship to Shore, Clarissa Explains it All and Animorphs.

ALL of these shows are MILLIONS of times better than iCarly. Know why? Because these shows don't have a laughter track that runs CONSTANTLY in the background. SERIOUSLY. No kids show is that goddamn funny. Especially not one that stars the least talented kid from School of Rock.

Now Nick, I don't want to be angry at you, and there's a simple way to rectify the problem. Either turn iCarly into a show with a properly written script, no laughter track, and a better lead actress, or just play repeats of Pinky and the Brain instead. Now that was a funny show.

Regards,

Tegan.

Billie Piper's wicked acting skills.

Check out Billie Piper's first real acting gig. This was a year before Billie took the world (well, the UK and me) by storm.

This makes me wish I was her so bad.

Casper is a ghost-whore

So this is his ploy. Find some innocent young tween who's never been in love and make them fall for you, letting them think you're in the same boat. Lying man-scum!

Seriously Casper. What about Christina Ricci? I know H-Duff is cute and all, but Christina Ricci is... well, Christina Ricci!

Who wouldn't choose this:

Over this:

Check out her neck. It's just as crappy-sparkles as Edward Cullen. And I'm not even touching her eye make-up. It might give me the herp.

Get some self-esteem Casper. As much as I love the Duffster... Christina Ricci, Casper, Christina Ricci!

Casper the friendly ghost

I just remembered one of my very first celebrity crushes!

Casper the friendly ghost in person form.

Apparently his name is Devon Sawa. Wicked cool name. I totally loved the end of casper when he turned human and danced with her and they floated and then they kissed and then he fades away.

"Can I keep you?" Aw. Cutest tween couple ever. Sigh, if only I was a 13 year old whose mother had just died and my father moved me into a haunted house where I befriended the ghost, fell in love with the ghost and then helped him cross over (in a non Jennifer Love Hewitt way). Dream the dream.

Some party pooper disabled embedding for the video, so just follow the link and watch it here

Apparently it was the 4th of July a little while ago.

I hadn't noticed until Sarah kindly reminded me.

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed that's a phone and not a hunting rifle or a moose head. I guess she's trying to ditch the country hick vibe if those rumours about a career in Washington are true. Somehow the flags everywhere and her appropriately coloured outfit just aren't giving me that respectable politician feeling. And does anyone else think her legs are a little scary-tanned? Cute sneakers though.

Bad Ad

You know what helps in advertising?

EVEN EYELINER.

Gross.

Lady Bitchface

God Lady Gaga, make it more obvious which interviewers you like. I really can't tell.



Okay, I understand loving Ellen. She is awesome. Plus Portia, she's tapping that ass. That deserves props. Completely with you, Gaga.



Okay, this is stretching it. You could be a bitch to these ladies. They haven't even heard your biggest song. They don't care about you, you're just filler for them. And yet you are gracious and polite and smile for them.




And then you're a FUCKING BITCH to Jonathan. You cow. He's a national treasure. You think you're too good for him? Is that it? He is doing ALL HE CAN to engage you in the interview and you give him NOTHING.
This interview is just terrible, and guess what Gaga, it's not Wossy's fault. It's YOURS. You ruin everything! God.

Brooke Shields is gross.

Good god. Way to make it all about YOU Brooke. You're not the one who DIED. You're not the one that people actually care about. The world would not be a different place without Suddenly Susan.



My favourite line: "Sequins really hurt me." Did a sequin break your heart when you were 16?
Lmao. I was getting a little emotional until she said "Prince... Paris... Blanket."

An open letter to Taylor Swift.

Dear Taylor,

You know that feeling you get just before you get a brain-freeze? Where you can feel it coming on and you know you can't stop it, and you squint your eyes and hold your breath in anticipation of the pain about to hit you?
That's how I feel when I hear your songs start up on the radio. Only difference is, I can always turn off the radio. And I do Taylor, believe me, I do.
Just thought you should know.

Good luck with the career and trying to out-fame the Jonas Brothers,
Tegan.

Where have I been?

When did Dakota Fanning grow up? I completely missed her going from this:

To this:
Okay, so maybe not such a huge jump. I remember her being slightly older in Charlotte's Web. Which was just terrible for the record. But I seriously missed her going from kid to saucy almost-adult-teenager, and actually pulling off a nude dress. Weird.

But does anyone else get an Amanda Seyfried vibe from her? Just a little?

Personally I prefer Amanda to Dakota, but that's just because of Mean Girls and Big Love. I pretend Mamma Mia never happened, for both Amanda and Meryl Streep's sake.

I guess I missed Dakota growing up because I avoid her at all costs, mainly because she had a 40 year old's eyes in a tiny creepy child body. But now that she's adult the face isn't so creepy anymore. I guess I'll have to judge whether or not I like the adult-Dakota based solely on how she goes in New Moon, which, if the entire Twilight franchise is anything to go by, means I'll get to keep hating her for a little bit longer. At least until she hits 18 and does a shitty indie flick with a gratuitous sex scene just because her creepy director-boyfriend tells her to. The Brown Bunny 2, anyone?

R-Pattz sees Joan Jett pics.

He just saw this:

And he doesn't understand why she got cast either. Gross.

Who needs communication when you've got facebook?

A tiny glimpse into a family more dysfunctional than yours.

Props to Lamebook.

Best alarm clock ever.

This Christmas all I want is this alarm clock.

When it goes off, it shoots the shapes out and the alarm doesn't stop until you put the shapes back in the right holes.

Gosh. Childish, cute and mildly aggressive. It's perfect.

Check it out on ModCloth.

Marilyn in doll form.

I am now the proud and extremely happy owner of this 50th anniversary Marilyn barbie:

Whoever said money can't buy happiness needs a photo of my face stuck in their office cubicle as a constant reminder of just how wrong they were.